Keep Calm and Carry On
Do you remember how you felt in November 2016? Are you trying to have a better time of living through the transition, this time? If you are awake in the middle of the night, worrying, you are not living in the present moment. If you are feeling hopeless or helpless, you are not in the present moment. It is a sign of depression when you find yourself overwhelmed about little things or things that have not yet happened.
Feeling overwhelmed is also a common reaction for people who have been traumatized. Getting support for your depression or traumatic reactions will help you act productively in the years ahead.
That’s what “trauma” means
The definition of trauma, used here, is a state felt by people with unresolved traumatic experiences. Everyone has trauma (sudden feelings of life-and-death fear). Many people will get past those feelings when the event is over.
People who faced extreme or repeated life-threatening fear are more likely to repeat the extreme fear reactions in situations that are not (or not yet) life threatening. Traumatized people lose perspective on a current situation or may full-on panic. When something that reminds them of what they feared is happening, then react like it is life and death, even if it is not.
Traumatized people will over-plan to prevent something bad from happening (even if it hasn’t happened or is unlikely to happen). They will see doom and destruction before there are rational signs of doom and destruction. Their feelings intensify when doom might actually be coming down the road. Doom scrolling is a real thing. It makes everything seem worse than it is at the present moment.
A lot of people were traumatized by the Covid-19 pandemic, bans on people from Muslim countries, abuse of migrant children, and other events in the first administration of the Republican President-elect. It is not feasible to expect people who were traumatized to be able to easily live in the moment, as if no threat exists. A real threat exists, and it is unfolding in front of us. How much of a threat, and who will be targeted, is yet to be seen. So, how can anyone plan or prevent the worst case scenario?
What to do with advice that doesn’t fit you:
I am one of those people who cannot sit still. How about you? How many of your friends have told you that it’s time to meditate? For me, it’s about four, maybe five. Advice like this could help some people stay grounded and increase their ability to take constructive action. Sitting meditation is not for some people. I am one of those people.
I meditated twice a day, for over three years. All I got was 40 minutes of wasted time, a day, for three years; about 730 hours that I could have been doing something better for myself.
For me to live in the moment, it needs to be more grounded in my active senses. I benefit from seeing, smelling, hearing the world. I benefit from movement. It took me years to figure out what works. It takes me time to return to good habits.
Two pieces of unsolicited advice (which may not fit you):
- You will benefit from stocking up on ways to stay present. This may be meditation, a meditative movement practice like Qi Gong, an exercise program, a gratitude journalling practice, family rituals such as telling X number of people daily that you love them or stating something positive that happened today before dinner every night, scheduled daily music, schedule daily walk, or keeping a comfort food stocked in your home.
What works for you will work for you. Don’t stick to something that doesn’t work for three years, like I did.
- Script for rejecting advice from friends:
“I know you are trying to support me. Thank you.”
“I have given _______ a valid try; it is not for me.”
“I am considering ______, which might accomplish the goal you are trying to help me achieve.”